Cooking lessons

No, not the kind where you pay someone to teach you how to bake a cake, but the little ad hoc culinary tips one gets from rather unlikely sources while waiting at the butcher counter in Lulus. This week was no exception.

There I was, patiently waiting my turn so I could have some lamb ground up for kebabs (the general practice is that you pick your cut of beef/lamb/veal and ask the butcher to grind it for you), and I smiled nicely at the elderly gent in skullcap and dishdasha next to me. He seemed a little worried that I wasn't yet being attended to by the butchery folks, and decided to speed things up a bit by asking me what I needed. I told him -- ground lamb.

And then I said the magic words: For kebab.

When I say 'magic' I mean MAGIC. This brought forth a very detailed set of instructions and ingredients from the gent, starting with the advice that I should use a mixture of beef and lamb and ending with lots of finger-lip smacking gestures. In between, he decided that I needed help picking out a hunk of beast to be ground up and so examined all the per-kilo prices for me until he found a suitable one (the 40-Dhs-per-kilo-cut was quickly ruled out). Then came more ingredients that he had forgotten to list earlier -- onion and bqdwns. Yes, bqdwns (can someone buy these people a vowel please?). You know, greens. I think he must have sensed 1) that I didn't speak Arabic and 2) that there were, in fact, about 56 different types of greens available at the Lulus, so he decided it was time to take our carts together over to the herb section of the produce department and look for bqdwns together. I assumed it was coriander, but I was wrong, as he pointed to the coriander (cilantro, for you Yanks) and said "Not that one. Other one." Ok, got it. Parsley. I found the little parsley sign, complete with pictograph for the illiterati, and there was the Arabic translation:

بقدونس

You know -- bqdwns.

He seemed pretty impressed with my Arabic-reading ability, so decided it was time for another forgotten ingredient to be mentioned - 'small like onion, but not onion.' Oh great. Here we go again. It was like playing Password in the produce section. The first thing that came to mind was shallot, but I quickly remembered where I was. Yes, shallots are available at the French-owned Carrefour, at something like a million dirhams a kilo, but only the French actually buy them. So what else is 'small like onion but not onion'? It helped that he held up a finger to indicate how small 'small' was. It did not help that he kept saying 'thum', since I associated that with the finger and figured he just got confused about which one of the five was his thumb.

Then I got it.

Thum = garlic.

I spelled it out for him (tha - waw - mim, pronounced "thoom"), he confirmed my spelling, I thanked him for the help, and we returned to our solo grocery shopping tasks. The fat expats who were staring at us the entire time did the same.

I didn't really have the heart to tell him that I already knew how to make pretty damned good kebab, but I learned two words in Arabic that I'll probably never forget.