Newsflash: Public (in)decency in the UAE

Thanks to The Gulf News, we residents of the UAE now have a handy pictorial guide to being decent in the desert -- in other words, dressing and behaving in an 'acceptable' manner in terms of cultural stupidities sensibilities.

One of the captions (about that bastion of cultural freedom, Sharjah -- you know, the Emirate that has recently put a ban on the lungi) states:

'People are advised not to wear very short shorts or skirts above the knee.'

Another image from Mall of the Emirates in Dubai advises mallgoers to 'Please wear respectful clothing':

Whew! All I can say is 'thank you, Gulf News!' Now I know how to be a good UAE resident.

Except for this one tiny little problem...

A few days before this guide to non-offensiveness was published, the very same newspaper ran a series of photos from Dubai Fashion Week (whenever that was -- I happened to be conspicuously absent). My favourite is this:

Holy bodacious tatas, Batman! Do you see those puppies? I dare this gal (or anyone else) to walk into Mall of the Emirates wearing this thing. I think Julia Roberts had more on in the first scene of Pretty Woman.

Sex in the city

No, I'm not talking about the television show.

Just in the past week, I've read four separate articles about people going to jail over some sort of sex-related activity -- from texting, to kissing, to homosexual activity, to sex in a car:

From Gulf News, 12 March 2010:

Couple to Appeal Public Kissing Verdict in Dubai

From The National, 17 March 2010:

Airline Pair Jailed Over Sex Texting

From Gulf News, 18 March 2010:

Two Men Charged for Sex in a Cemetery

From Gulf News, 20 March 2010:

Ras Al Khaimah Sex-in-Car Duo to Serve Sentence

All of the offenders in these cases are facing varying amounts of jail time followed by deportation. Some of them were also fined for consuming alcohol (this one really gets my knickers in a twist -- anyone wanna guess how many bars there are in Dubai? Perhaps the idea is that it's ok for the bars to be there as long as no one actually drinks the product for sale). Some were married, some were not, some were married to other people.

Go ahead, say what you want about the immorality of extra-marital relations, homosexual activity, or public displays of affection. I'll listen patiently, but the fact is I don't really care. I don't find much offensive in this world (except maybe for Barack Obama and any sort of mashed legume dish). But of course people here have a different offense-threshold.

And the state sanctions this.

I mean, come ON folks -- does a couple of expats really deserve a month or two in jail because someone witnessed them kissing in a bar at zero dark-thirty? Are people able to sleep better now that they know the Emirates Airlines employees who (maybe) sent each other sexy text messages are going to rot in the slammer for a while?

Surely there must be more important things to worry about.

Piercing the veil

Let's face it, these veils are a physical and psychological barrier to social interaction.  I suppose that's the whole point.  But apart from my subconscious (sort of) desire to re-enact Yoko Ono's Cut Piece (I won't even get into why this sort of so-called art is one of the most vile things I've ever seen), I do actually try to break through that wall of black material.  At least when I think the time is right.

And it was right today.

There I was, happily (??) checking out at the Lulu's when a veiled woman and her two sons appeared behind me.  One of the sons picked up the "Next Customer" wedge-shaped thing (yes, they have those here too) and started putting his mum's groceries right behind mine -- without the wedge-shaped thing in between!  Mum was clearly dismayed by this and began (I suppose) explaining to son number one that the whole point of the wedge-shaped thing was to separate one's groceries from those of the next (or previous) person.  The time was ripe...

I looked at the young fella and said "mighty clever of you, trying to get me to pay for your groceries."  Mum laughed heartily, translated for her boys, and all involved enjoyed the joke (except for the sullen Flip at the checkout counter -- oh SORRY -- Filipina).

And thus the veil was pierced.