Linguistic P*rn*gr*phy

Yes, I did in fact replace most of the vowels in the P-word with asterisks, which is why you are able to continue reading these little snippets. But there's nothing dirty about this post -- it's just another report on how much fun I'm having with a three-vowel language that tries to adopt words from a, well, more-vowel language.

Unfortunately, my story starts with me going to Starbucks. I know, I know, I said I would never go there. And I still wouldn't, except for the fact that I am now living in the land of highly caffeinated beverages and the only decaf joe I can get my hands on is Starbuck's 'Decaf House Blend.' So every couple of weeks I hold my nose, enter the nearest Starbucks (well, except for the filthy one on Hamdan Street), and purchase a bag or two of over-roasted beans that have had the caffeine sucked out of them. Oops, there I went and said "sucked." That'll probably be more than enough to get this site blocked, so read quickly.

Starbucks (for some mysterious reason) has lollipops for sale. They don't appear to be special lollies, just normal I-went-to-the-doctor-and-got-a-lollipop sorts of things. And for those who are unfamiliar with the concept of a sucker (there I go again!), there's a handy sign that identifies them as lollipops. It's also translated into Arabic, or at least transliterated. As

لولي بوب

Yes, that's right, my Arabic-literate friends, "looly boob."

Ok, ok, I can understand that the language doesn't have a /p/. But why the long 'oo' sound for the vowels in 'lolly' and 'pop'? I mean, they're NOT /o/ sounds -- they're /a/ sounds. Go ahead, say it out loud. I'm right, aren't I?

The thing is, Arabic has a perfectly good /a/ sound in its inventory. It's the first effing letter of the Arabic alphabet, alif. So why on earth hasn't someone figured out that they could write


لالي باب

You'd think that a country with such a morbid fear of the boob would work a little harder trying to avoid using that word to describe a suckable piece of candy.